Two ladies talking to each other Lady 1: How come your husband is coming home early now a days?Lady 2: Bcoz i have started a new rule. Lady 1: What is it? Lady 2: Sex will be started sharp at Nine whether he is here or not.

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor."Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

Frank Sinatra, "Old Blue Eyes," has died... Frank will now be known as "Old Closed Eyes."

A blonde woman goes to the doctor and complains that her whole body is aching. She touches her knee and says: "Ouch! That hurt". She then touches her elbow which evokes yet another painful response. She then touches her ear and complains that it is sensitive too. The doctor then examines her and says: "Well, Madam, I am sure that will be the case - your finger is broken."

Funny jokes

I believe in making the world safe for our children. But not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.